Letter to Myself

I was inspired by "Joy the Baker " and bye an assignment I remember from the Artist's way . To write a letter to myself as a old women say 40 years from now, I'd be 64 ( yes like the Beatles's song ) What I would have to say to Sam today , Sam right now.

Dear Sam,

Stop the rush. Take the time to smell the roses. Take the time to experience it all, all of it , the boring , the breathtaking , the sad, the lonely the silly. Be in it , there really is no where else to be. Be easier on yourself, you are not, and never will be perfect so might as well stop trying. Enjoy this time, what you have right here and right now. Boring and dull as it seems you will long for it someday. Take this time , it is a gift , see it for that. Someday there will be family, work, careers, pets, more than enough of all that you want. Take this time to notice these things these things surrounding you. Enjoy yourself, have fun with all of it , all of it, this is your playground. Play more . Love these people , even when they piss you off , especially when they piss you off, love them more. Laugh more. You don't laugh nearly enough. And know it's all going to change , you're going to change, so stop trying to hold on so tightly. It's much easier to just go with the flow, and believe me things will happen. Your life will be amazing, you can trust yourself , and know you are divine . Loving you . my self.

Funk it

Winter funks suck. I've been in one , not having much control over the light , feeling stuck. That I believe is the worst feeling by far, "this too shall pass," "today is a new day," it's easy to say all this jazz but really feeling it can be hard! I have a stubborn mind. I realized three things (maybe 4 that change things around for me when the power's out) 1. Be Grateful; it's so obvious I know , but when I'm really grateful there's no room to be much else. 2. Talk to people , instead for some reason I want to flip off this planet of wacky apes , and spend my hours convincing myself I am not one of them. 3. Like myself, really like myself , right now at this moment, take a minute to remind myself what's good about me , what I already have instead of the constant gimee gimees.
4. DANCE . Just Dance ! Now this is more difficult as of late which had added to these winter blues. Reason being I'm coming to terms that I am not a "dancer" in the sense that I wish. I am a dancer because of the simple fact that I dance (especially when no one is looking)But I have been faced with alot of ,"So you think YOU can dance ?" I've been taking a lot of classes , intermediate modern ( way out of my league) , zumba , and on top of it I'm teaching a Dance / Fitness class as of the New Year ! Every cell in my groovin body screams, (what if they discover you're not really a dancer?) Than I begin to take something fun and turn it into a chore. OKAY , back to #4 Point of my tirade : DANCE , no matter what ! Move the body , move the spirit , let yourself turn on the lights.

Questions that are on my mind . .

"We must accept that this creative pulse within us is God's creative pulse itself."

They say you just substitute one addiction for another blah blah. . my addictions (which could be understood as gratitude's as well) of the solstice are ; pumpkin cream ora, apple sauce with raisins, 6:30 am yoga . face book (ugh). dancing bodies. snow falling . my electric heater. the fire place. pulse . the Ellen d show. tastespotting.com GO ! G Jar. Sag Aloo Paneer .

What am I waiting for ?
Where do I start ? Say, I've already started how do I gage my ever so slow process? How do I change without leaving what is good for me? How do I sit down and create something when I'm distracted by every blinking light? How do I start when my mind feels empty and blank ?
I'm inspired. I'm in love with all the floating worlds.
BAM . I'm down and out there's no juice , no fire in my belly , no sparkle , or is there?
It's subtle , but i don't know or recognize that . That comes differently , peacefully actually .
So, how do you stay at it , and not suffocate not push something out that hasn't matured enough, that's maybe just not ready.
( Is that just a muddy excuse)
What do you do in the meantime?

Have I arrived ? Am I home ?