I wanted templating to be word ! But it is not . I figured I had to say hi, considering the Blog is looking so fancy all of a sudden. I leave for Chicago in the morning to visit Katie and Randi will be joining us.
Can I just say I hate packing for small trips. I like long ones that take me cross the country for a few months , stuffing my car with everything you could ever need, boy life is good .
b design
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
Just don't do the next wrong thing
So I'm overwelmed easily it takes everything and nothing for my life to seem unmanagable , completely out of control. It takes a phone call, an unexpected appointment a blank thought, emptiness. God forbid that emptiness. That feeling that there's nothing here I'm sinking down into the earth with out a insight or thought to pass on.
My point tonight , just do the next RIGHT thing .
What is it ? Simple: Take a shower . Brush your teeth. Read your book.
Do not take on the world tonight, Sam. It doesn't need your help at this moment.
They say ( they being someone's name I cannot remember)
" If we take care of the moments , the years will take care of themselves . "
It can be so hard to trust these moments each one linking itself to the giant quilt that is my life . The fabric the pattern always changing, becoming more intricate and precise more individual , more me.
Trust.
Night .
My point tonight , just do the next RIGHT thing .
What is it ? Simple: Take a shower . Brush your teeth. Read your book.
Do not take on the world tonight, Sam. It doesn't need your help at this moment.
They say ( they being someone's name I cannot remember)
" If we take care of the moments , the years will take care of themselves . "
It can be so hard to trust these moments each one linking itself to the giant quilt that is my life . The fabric the pattern always changing, becoming more intricate and precise more individual , more me.
Trust.
Night .
Thursday, January 7, 2010
the Me
I sit here eating boiling applesauce with raisins . yes burning my mouth but loving every bite . Wanting to fall into my slumbers sooner than later tonight to be ready for yoga at 6:30 am. I wonder how my life will be , how this story could possibly unfold. Where will I live ? and what will my days be filled with ? Who will I come home to ? Will I have cats or dogs ? It's hard to know these things , because it takes knowing yourself , which I'm discovering daily molds and changes.
I've spent most of my last 23 years , doing the things I thought I should do , the things I thought would make people notice , it's interesting how much the inside is neglected when you're main concern is other's reactions. I guess it's simply me being enough, and even if I don't know me entirely or even a half, that's enough , it's better then leaving myself outside the door.
I watched my brother play basketball tonight and sat next to a cute boy. I sat down next to him and we hit it off and I was excited for a moment. A connection. Someone my age. Into nutrition. Into fitness. I call him a boy although he was my age plus a few.
He was simply a good looking nice guy. I thought about us getting to know each other.I thought about all the basketball games we'd attend. I thought about our simple lives together. I then I for the first time since I opened my mouth to speak to him, I thought about me. The me that was at the game, the me that was getting sleepy , the me that was teaching yoga at the YMCA in the morning, the me that was daily working on herself and learning love for real and for the first time , the kind of love that takes the time it needs. As he walked away to get a hot dog. I saw me there , me alone , and I felt perfectly okay.
I've spent most of my last 23 years , doing the things I thought I should do , the things I thought would make people notice , it's interesting how much the inside is neglected when you're main concern is other's reactions. I guess it's simply me being enough, and even if I don't know me entirely or even a half, that's enough , it's better then leaving myself outside the door.
I watched my brother play basketball tonight and sat next to a cute boy. I sat down next to him and we hit it off and I was excited for a moment. A connection. Someone my age. Into nutrition. Into fitness. I call him a boy although he was my age plus a few.
He was simply a good looking nice guy. I thought about us getting to know each other.I thought about all the basketball games we'd attend. I thought about our simple lives together. I then I for the first time since I opened my mouth to speak to him, I thought about me. The me that was at the game, the me that was getting sleepy , the me that was teaching yoga at the YMCA in the morning, the me that was daily working on herself and learning love for real and for the first time , the kind of love that takes the time it needs. As he walked away to get a hot dog. I saw me there , me alone , and I felt perfectly okay.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Letter to Myself
I was inspired by "Joy the Baker " and bye an assignment I remember from the Artist's way . To write a letter to myself as a old women say 40 years from now, I'd be 64 ( yes like the Beatles's song ) What I would have to say to Sam today , Sam right now.
Dear Sam,
Stop the rush. Take the time to smell the roses. Take the time to experience it all, all of it , the boring , the breathtaking , the sad, the lonely the silly. Be in it , there really is no where else to be. Be easier on yourself, you are not, and never will be perfect so might as well stop trying. Enjoy this time, what you have right here and right now. Boring and dull as it seems you will long for it someday. Take this time , it is a gift , see it for that. Someday there will be family, work, careers, pets, more than enough of all that you want. Take this time to notice these things these things surrounding you. Enjoy yourself, have fun with all of it , all of it, this is your playground. Play more . Love these people , even when they piss you off , especially when they piss you off, love them more. Laugh more. You don't laugh nearly enough. And know it's all going to change , you're going to change, so stop trying to hold on so tightly. It's much easier to just go with the flow, and believe me things will happen. Your life will be amazing, you can trust yourself , and know you are divine . Loving you . my self.
Dear Sam,
Stop the rush. Take the time to smell the roses. Take the time to experience it all, all of it , the boring , the breathtaking , the sad, the lonely the silly. Be in it , there really is no where else to be. Be easier on yourself, you are not, and never will be perfect so might as well stop trying. Enjoy this time, what you have right here and right now. Boring and dull as it seems you will long for it someday. Take this time , it is a gift , see it for that. Someday there will be family, work, careers, pets, more than enough of all that you want. Take this time to notice these things these things surrounding you. Enjoy yourself, have fun with all of it , all of it, this is your playground. Play more . Love these people , even when they piss you off , especially when they piss you off, love them more. Laugh more. You don't laugh nearly enough. And know it's all going to change , you're going to change, so stop trying to hold on so tightly. It's much easier to just go with the flow, and believe me things will happen. Your life will be amazing, you can trust yourself , and know you are divine . Loving you . my self.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Funk it
Winter funks suck. I've been in one , not having much control over the light , feeling stuck. That I believe is the worst feeling by far, "this too shall pass," "today is a new day," it's easy to say all this jazz but really feeling it can be hard! I have a stubborn mind. I realized three things (maybe 4 that change things around for me when the power's out) 1. Be Grateful; it's so obvious I know , but when I'm really grateful there's no room to be much else. 2. Talk to people , instead for some reason I want to flip off this planet of wacky apes , and spend my hours convincing myself I am not one of them. 3. Like myself, really like myself , right now at this moment, take a minute to remind myself what's good about me , what I already have instead of the constant gimee gimees.
4. DANCE . Just Dance ! Now this is more difficult as of late which had added to these winter blues. Reason being I'm coming to terms that I am not a "dancer" in the sense that I wish. I am a dancer because of the simple fact that I dance (especially when no one is looking)But I have been faced with alot of ,"So you think YOU can dance ?" I've been taking a lot of classes , intermediate modern ( way out of my league) , zumba , and on top of it I'm teaching a Dance / Fitness class as of the New Year ! Every cell in my groovin body screams, (what if they discover you're not really a dancer?) Than I begin to take something fun and turn it into a chore. OKAY , back to #4 Point of my tirade : DANCE , no matter what ! Move the body , move the spirit , let yourself turn on the lights.
4. DANCE . Just Dance ! Now this is more difficult as of late which had added to these winter blues. Reason being I'm coming to terms that I am not a "dancer" in the sense that I wish. I am a dancer because of the simple fact that I dance (especially when no one is looking)But I have been faced with alot of ,"So you think YOU can dance ?" I've been taking a lot of classes , intermediate modern ( way out of my league) , zumba , and on top of it I'm teaching a Dance / Fitness class as of the New Year ! Every cell in my groovin body screams, (what if they discover you're not really a dancer?) Than I begin to take something fun and turn it into a chore. OKAY , back to #4 Point of my tirade : DANCE , no matter what ! Move the body , move the spirit , let yourself turn on the lights.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Questions that are on my mind . .
"We must accept that this creative pulse within us is God's creative pulse itself."
They say you just substitute one addiction for another blah blah. . my addictions (which could be understood as gratitude's as well) of the solstice are ; pumpkin cream ora, apple sauce with raisins, 6:30 am yoga . face book (ugh). dancing bodies. snow falling . my electric heater. the fire place. pulse . the Ellen d show. tastespotting.com GO ! G Jar. Sag Aloo Paneer .
What am I waiting for ?
Where do I start ? Say, I've already started how do I gage my ever so slow process? How do I change without leaving what is good for me? How do I sit down and create something when I'm distracted by every blinking light? How do I start when my mind feels empty and blank ?
I'm inspired. I'm in love with all the floating worlds.
BAM . I'm down and out there's no juice , no fire in my belly , no sparkle , or is there?
It's subtle , but i don't know or recognize that . That comes differently , peacefully actually .
So, how do you stay at it , and not suffocate not push something out that hasn't matured enough, that's maybe just not ready.
( Is that just a muddy excuse)
What do you do in the meantime?
They say you just substitute one addiction for another blah blah. . my addictions (which could be understood as gratitude's as well) of the solstice are ; pumpkin cream ora, apple sauce with raisins, 6:30 am yoga . face book (ugh). dancing bodies. snow falling . my electric heater. the fire place. pulse . the Ellen d show. tastespotting.com GO ! G Jar. Sag Aloo Paneer .
What am I waiting for ?
Where do I start ? Say, I've already started how do I gage my ever so slow process? How do I change without leaving what is good for me? How do I sit down and create something when I'm distracted by every blinking light? How do I start when my mind feels empty and blank ?
I'm inspired. I'm in love with all the floating worlds.
BAM . I'm down and out there's no juice , no fire in my belly , no sparkle , or is there?
It's subtle , but i don't know or recognize that . That comes differently , peacefully actually .
So, how do you stay at it , and not suffocate not push something out that hasn't matured enough, that's maybe just not ready.
( Is that just a muddy excuse)
What do you do in the meantime?
Friday, December 4, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)