the Me

I sit here eating boiling applesauce with raisins . yes burning my mouth but loving every bite . Wanting to fall into my slumbers sooner than later tonight to be ready for yoga at 6:30 am. I wonder how my life will be , how this story could possibly unfold. Where will I live ? and what will my days be filled with ? Who will I come home to ? Will I have cats or dogs ? It's hard to know these things , because it takes knowing yourself , which I'm discovering daily molds and changes.
I've spent most of my last 23 years , doing the things I thought I should do , the things I thought would make people notice , it's interesting how much the inside is neglected when you're main concern is other's reactions. I guess it's simply me being enough, and even if I don't know me entirely or even a half, that's enough , it's better then leaving myself outside the door.
I watched my brother play basketball tonight and sat next to a cute boy. I sat down next to him and we hit it off and I was excited for a moment. A connection. Someone my age. Into nutrition. Into fitness. I call him a boy although he was my age plus a few.
He was simply a good looking nice guy. I thought about us getting to know each other.I thought about all the basketball games we'd attend. I thought about our simple lives together. I then I for the first time since I opened my mouth to speak to him, I thought about me. The me that was at the game, the me that was getting sleepy , the me that was teaching yoga at the YMCA in the morning, the me that was daily working on herself and learning love for real and for the first time , the kind of love that takes the time it needs. As he walked away to get a hot dog. I saw me there , me alone , and I felt perfectly okay.