I'm going to be ready for it

I say lately that "I'm going to be ready for it when it comes ." This is my outlet, bear with me. So , I think I know when I ask for it and really know what I'm asking for I'll get it. Thing is I haven't asked for it on purpose . I guess mainly because I don't want to fuck it up, I want to be ready for it , I want to take care of it , I want to be nice once I have it .
I saw a boy on the dance floor, I liked his face and the way he moved and I wanted to say something to him, and I didn't . I wanted to say something silly , like how I liked his moves , but I didn't. I didn't want to see what I could or couldn't do , like either way it would hurt. I chose to leave that up to the girls that stood around his huddle trying to listen in on what the boys were saying and purposing existing . I wanted to leave it up to them because they seem to spend so much more time on their eyeliner than I do , and because they seem to want it more , and therefore deserve it more. But there's a part of me that feels left out bye myself, a part of me that wants to fight for it. There's a part of me that's itching to be ready for it , for real ready for it , not standing in a phony lounge waiting to be asked out . There's a part of me that wants and believes she could meet him on the dance floor in plaid and screaming the lyrics to "love machine ," and there's a part of me that wants to daydream it , because the ache of being disappointed crushes this girls world , and hurts her heart too much. There's also a part of me that wants to dive in , to fall without caring about more broken bones. There's a part of me that wants to do it like everyone else does it or seems to , not having to know why. There's a part of me that wants to trust so badly she knows how this is going to turn out, so good so good that the waiting could turn out to be the best part. I'm scared about love.