Early Turkey Day

Today's Gratitude; warm baths , early turkey dinners , extra chocolate sauce , books that are there to inspire, smart people who admit they're a mess, Pandora, highs school sweet hearts, candy corn, smooth move tea, cranberry out of the can, spices from the dollar store, meeting an old friend in the baking aisle.

Blog SHOT take 1 ; 

We had an early turkey dinner tonight with friends, and the dinner topic was college . When I graduated HS one told me I had to do anything , no one sat me down to "talk college." I also wasn't given the parents who stuck it out, not that they didn't care, we just didn't do teamwork , instead we were off tightly gripping our individual battle axe,  ready to fend for ourselves.

On the other hand  I was given an open canvas, a wide world , enough freedom to find refuge in feeling utterly clueless. I still today remain clueless, and overwhelmed and in envy of discipline. My little brother's made the choice to apply early decision to Skidmore. I admire the certainty in choice like that. I envy a comfort that must come in at least thinking you know what you want to do with your life. The fact that he can even pinpoint it enough to  make up words for what it is ! 

When I'm lucky I can express my longing only in grunts , sighs and breakdowns. I do not know how to make words let alone jobs that pay me . I can only express it as a  dire calling. A calling that causes pain when it's ignored, like a child it suffers and cries and throws a temper.  My longing is constantly flying above my head, a kite on a overly blustery day all tangled , and seemingly lately no opportunity to settle and mend. 

There was a reason Turkey dinner came early this year this was not it; there is power in action. My artist is expressing herself , no matter how silly or grammatically incorrect , or even just shitty. I'm ready for my real life to begin.