What I don't want .. .

I went through a mid life crisis. a breakdown in my early twenties.. it was only two and a half years ago that it took place . .Details unnecessary, but I like to from this place in my life measure ' my new life, from that point, two and a half years ago . So having said that you could consider me ; two and a half years old .
Anyway I was thinking about my life today and how I don't know what I want to be.. In my two and a half years all I have really begun to see is what I don't want my life to be. . I thought I'd make a list, because I like lists and they somehow make things look clearer to me . . so that maybe I will be on my way to getting it right .. or a little more right once I turn three. .
1. I don't want to live in the Berkshires
2. I don't think I want to live in nYc either..
3. I don't want to be a crazy NY actor, waiting in lines to be seen, working on commercials, and stapling my resume to my forehead on 42ND Street.
4. I don't want to settle for love.
5. I don't want to live in a gross house with people who don't clean up after themselves and who don't care about things looking good and feeling good.
6. I don't want to work for a company that doesn't respect and value having me..
7. I don't want relationships that aren't based on love and growth teaching one another.
8. I don't want a drama filled life. . I don't really care for the glamor and glitz , I want to live in a beautiful place and bake .
9. I don't want to live where it's cold and where the sun doesn't shine for 4 months .
10. I don't want to be so independent and 'on my own' with everything I take on in my life.
11. I don't want to feel the need to go so fast, work out so hard, and eat so much. I want to soften and quiet my speed.
12. i don't want to liv mindlessly and I don't want to work with people who are.
13. I don't want to rush these processes, no matter how gruelling . . I want to savor them so that I can see larger tommorow .

Do your dishes !

Quick update...I'm addicted to showtime shows .. I ate popcorn for dinner. my butt is back. I'm playing Ophelia. . I'm living in a house with slobs.I am uncomfortable a little We are creatures who like to know. I am uncomfortable not knowing .. I don't think I ever know really, but lots of days I'm busy enough to think I know. I may go live in a tent for the summer.. I never thought I'd be doing that, but my belly cries out for kettle corn and licorice for dinner tonight and I'm following it. I'm getting tired of fighting the truth of what I want ... Taking a leap of faith diving into the gifts that only magic holds. I do believe in fairies I Do I DO !